What is love?
Well love is numerous feelings love is never a single emotion,it holds multiple unexplained emotional zig, which is useless to explain until and unless one actually falls in love by himself, it is multiple states and thinking that runs from interpersonal affections to pleasures. It is something which is related to very strong attraction and attachment with someone.
According to ancient Greeks, love is called madness of the Gods while modern day psychologists tells love is a strong desire of emotions to be with someone (Either male or female); Love is involuntary, according to Brain science, love is like thirst, a craving for specific person, and it’s normal very natural to “loose control”in the early stage of love. It’s a natural addiction, and knowledge is power as love like thirst will drive you to do crazy things.
We humans were built to fall in love. Falling in love is something which above age, time, gender, things, places etc..
Love has no definite definition and meanings, instead every body has there own words of thought over the four-lettered word L.O.V.E. For Shakespeare ” love is blind and the lovers can not see it”. Whereas for Aristotle ” love is composed of single soul inhabiting two bodies.
Understanding the difference between love making and physical satisfaction through the three basic systems which evolves out from the two basic necessities -mating and reproduction. The three systems to know the exact difference between are:
- Lust-Sexual drive/gratification/craving: It evolves out of cravings and no love is involved, it ranges from seeking potential mating partners. You can have sex with someone you are not in love with. This craving is something which is not a particular individual based, lust is just focussed on the self craving it has nothing to do with any specific individual.
- Love-attraction, craving for a particular person, obsessive thinking about one person: This evolves as a strong desire and attraction for one specific person, with whom your thoughts of mating is involved, your whole energy is just focussed on the thoughts of this single person. As Kabir the famous Indian poet said in one of his doha” The lane of love is narrow, there is room for only one.
- Attraction-feeling of deep unity with a long term partner:It evolves to make you remain with a mate with whom you share time period of longer duration and bear a child through infancy as a team together, however you both keep living for longer period of time and share the benefits of life together even when there is no goal of having any more children.
Love has been affecting every individual since ages whether it was passionate love, romantic love, obsessive love, infatuation, or lust, every single male and female from any era any culture have been affected by this emotion.
Love is a magical thing to happen to anyone, and it’s often said making love is just another mild or indirect word of expression to having sex, but unfortunately majority of us are living in the dark that making love is same as having good sex.
Indeed many people who have good sex mistake it for love only to find out later that their apparent partner they cared to spend rest of their life was not the right person.
This is in no way to create any pun to making love, many of us just have sex to alleviate tension caused by love, still it is important that one gets what one bargains for.
Of course making love necessarily involve sex, but having good sex does not necessarily mean making love. So are you getting what you bargained for? I mean in clear words are you really making love or just having good times while having good sex? And how can you get either?
You can get what you want and clearly understand the two if you know the differences between making love and having physical satisfaction.
According to philosopher Alan Goldman, sexual desire is desire for physical contact with another person’s body which produces pleasures with such contacts, whereas sexual contact is the activity which tends to fulfill the need.
Goldman explains sexual activity is not the end, he tells procreation is not the sole purpose of having sex so you are not doing anything wrong like misusing your body you can have sex without getting pregnant or impregnating your partner.
According to Goldman, there is no essential purpose of sex beyond fulfilling your desire for contact of another’s body.
As we got to know sexual desire is just a bodily pleasure, a mechanical activity, which holds touching, rubbing, caressing, kissing, hugging, sucking, biting and of course intercourse which completes physical contact and sexual needs. It is just a mechanical act because the procedure is just meant to create stimulation and arousing oneself. They are self-regarding, seeking self-gratification, purely based on self-interests.
Philosopher Immanuel Kant says sexual love makes of the loved person an”object of appetite” and as soon as the appetite is stilled that person is caste aside as a dried lemon after it’s juice has been squeezed out. Although often partners who came together just for sexual need may with time change their mere object feeling into more than that, and start reciprocating feelings which just sexual partners don’t share and thus regains and reestablishes as rational personalities.
Such reciprocal sexual activity is just shared among the persons who are in monogamus marriage/relationship where each sexual partner gives contractual rights to other’s body,in this mutual desires for physical contacts is gratifies by each sex partners. While this mutual sexual agreement whether inside or outside the context of marriage may be the precursor to love making, the latter takes more than a mutual consent to let each other satisfy the sexual needs. Because it is mechanical even though it’s mutual it needs one another to be sexually and mentally aroused and thus fails to capture the idea of love-making.
So we are clear about mutual sexual desire now what is love making?
Love making is distinct as mere sex because love making dissolves chasm, chasm between “you” and “me”. The word “us” has not been used because “we” can still be divided. There is unconsciousness unbounded unity without partition in love. Love is the experience of solidarity with our fellow creatures, says Eric Fromm, psychologist.
Aristotle explains love is composed of single soul residing in two bodies, in love making their loins are each others, and it’s titillation are also each others. In love making a partner not just share bodies and souls but their past, present, future, dreams, expectations are one another’s and not separate one partner’s success is another’s glory and each other’s achievement is their together goals where no jealousy and division has place in between. Everything is under” ONENESS” of “you” and “me” and nothing could separate them apart. Love making is defined as loving not just each other’s body but soul with one’s soul without any expectations or greed but selflessly.
In having sex one may be dominating, controlling and even humiliating the other, in order to elicit sexual pleasure. There are many ways to cognize and treat one’s sexual partner as there are many ways human can satisfy the sexual desire. But love-making is unifying and cognitions are relational and assume logically distinct beings.
In the language of love making the thoughts are uniting rather than dividing,separating or alienating, two hearts beating as one expresses a unifying metaphor, which is not at all sensuous, where as “I want to feel you all over could be very erotic, but objectifying. “I want to get lost inside of you can be both objectifying and unifying at the same time.
Building sexual relationship is shallow while love relationship leading to sex is more deep and unifying which just doesn’t happen inside of bedroom but goes far beyond that. Oneness is satisfying and far fetched.
Get yourself a partner with who you share love sexual relationship rather just sexual relationship.
It is always more satiating and satisfying, where you are accepted along with your soul.